he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I touched a dick in church today
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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