On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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