:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
