What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
