Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
