Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
