All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
