Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
