do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
