I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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