coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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