Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
