i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
