Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
