he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
