i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
