guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
