Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
