It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
