Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
