We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
