Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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