I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
