did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
