if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
