So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
