It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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