u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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