Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
