At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I would fuck him just for his dog
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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