I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
