even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
