people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
