so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
