Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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