Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
