I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
