don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
