she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
