You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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