It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
