we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
