she was so not down for the gang bang
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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