she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
