maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
