i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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