we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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