I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
