I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they need to just BURY HIM!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
