Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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