Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
