Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
