I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
