who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
