He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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